She’s Feeding, Pumping, and Barely Sleeping: How You can Truly Help when your Partner is Triple Feeding
You’re Both Exhausted: How to Support Your Partner During Triple Feeding
If your partner is triple feeding—nursing, pumping, and then bottle feeding—you’re both likely running on fumes. You want to help, but maybe you’re not sure what to do, or how to actually make it better.
This blog is for you.
I’ve Been There
I triple fed my daughter for the first seven weeks of her life due to an undiagnosed posterior tongue tie. It was one of the most exhausting and emotionally draining experiences I’ve ever had.
Feeding took up nearly every hour of the day and night. I was constantly either feeding her, pumping, or preparing bottles—with barely any time left to sleep, eat, or just be with her. It began to take the joy out of my postpartum period and I saw no end until we finally got the answers from a tongue tie specialist through our own research.
I know first-hand how unsustainable this feeding method is, how invisible you can feel in it, and how desperately you need support to get through. So, if you’re here looking for ways to help your partner through this season—you’re already doing something right.
Because while she’s the one doing the feeding, you’re both in it—and your support can make a world of difference.
What Triple Feeding Actually Is
Triple feeding usually happens when there are challenges with breastfeeding—maybe the baby is struggling to latch, not gaining weight well, or there are supply concerns.
It means every feeding session includes three parts:
Nursing at the breast
Pumping milk
Topping up with expressed milk or formula
It’s intense, relentless, and usually recommended short-term—yet it can feel never-ending when you’re stuck in the cycle and sterilizing.
How She Might Be Feeling
Physically she will be feeling sore, tired, drained.
Emotionally, possibly like she’s failing, even though she’s doing everything she possibly can. Struggling to feed your baby is something that rattles you to the core, its hard to think of anything past that.
She might be crying a lot. Or going quiet. Or snapping at you even when you’re trying to help. Please remove your ego from this situation. Learning to do this will help you navigate parenting together in general, but especially these rockier times.
This isn’t about you doing something wrong—it’s just the weight she’s carrying. And while you can’t fix it all, you can help lighten the load.
How You Can Help
1. Be Her Buffer
Shield her from anything that doesn’t need her attention right now. That might mean replying to texts, handling visitors, or letting family know, “We’re in survival mode—we’ll check in soon.” Don’t be afraid to cancel visitors and plans during this time, don’t put pressure on her to make that decision. Take control and explain that you need extra space, time and down time during this time. Good friends and supportive family will understand and can support from afar by sending meals, meal vouchers, walking the dog or some childcare for elder children, there will be plenty of time for baby snuggles when this period of time has passed.
2. Take the Baby When You Can
After feeds, during pumping, or while she showers. Offer skin-to-skin time. You may be one of the only people that she feels truly comfortable with having the baby, so her chance to rest lies in the times that you are bonding with your baby.
3. Keep Her Fed & Watered
This is absolutely crucial to her well-being. A postpartum, breastfeeding mother needs nourishment constantly. Research recipes and ask her what she feels like eating, triple feeding can cause a loss of appetite or extreme hunger. If she is feeling nauseous she isn’t likely to feel like a burger, so make her a nourishing soup. Offer her food without her asking, or without needing her to tell you what she wants. you know your partner so think about her favourite things. If you aren’t a wizz in the kitchen I suggest organising a food train from friends or using a service like The Food Doula or Fieldgoods and stock up so you can easily prepare something from the freezer.
4. Track the Schedule & Learn about Breastfeeding
Although I don’t recommend tracking your baby, sometimes when there are issues with feeding and weight gain the health visitor may recommend you do so. It’s a lot to remember: when the last feed was, when to pump next, how much the baby had. Help keep track so she doesn’t have to carry all the mental load. Have a discussion around it and ask what role you can play in the tracking when you are there, or note it down when you are around so she knows she can relax a little. Please, read and learn about breastfeeding - the more you learn the more understanding you will gain and the less she needs to teach you. No one predicts feeding struggles, so she will be spending any spare time scrambling information. Use your spare time wisely, read that breastfeeding book, read blogs, speak to professionals. This should never fall just onto the breastfeeding parent.
5. Encourage, Don’t Advise
She doesn’t need fixes, as a partner its incredibly hard to see your loved one struggling and your instinct is to try to fix the situation quickly but this isn’t always what she needs, she needs to know you see her and how hard she is trying for your baby. When she is having a ‘I cant do this’ moment, remind her that she is doing it and doing an amazing job. How lucky her baby is to have such a selfless mother and that you are right there with her to try to make everything else a little easier during this time.
Try: “You’re doing an amazing job.”
Avoid: “Maybe we should just switch to formula.”
6. Hold Her, Too
Sometimes the best support is quiet presence. Sit beside her while she pumps. Rub her back. Tell her she’s not alone. Subtle and frequent reminders of how grateful you are for what she is doing.
7. Take Care of You, Too
Your rest matters. Your emotions matter. Supporting her is easier when you’re resourced. Step away when you need to—without guilt.
When to Ask for Help
Triple feeding is a short-term strategy, not a long-term solution. If it’s dragging on or becoming unsustainable, it’s OK to ask for help.
That might mean:
Speaking to your midwife if you are still under their care
Booking a lactation consultant (IBCLC) or a tongue tie specialist
Asking a postpartum doula to support you both
Talking to your GP or health visitor
There’s no shame in saying, “This is too much.” You weren’t meant to do it alone.
Final Words
This season is hard. But it will pass.
And right now, more than anything, she needs to know you’re in it with her.
You’re not just helping feed the baby, you’re helping her feel seen, supported, and safe and that is extremely powerful. Something she will remember forever.